Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
