Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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