She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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