Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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