she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
