So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
