I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
