This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Panties = found
Randomize
