I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
