Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
