we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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