He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
