Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize