Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
