Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
