I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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