dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
