I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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