Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
