lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
