i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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