No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There r osticjed everywhere
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
