im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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