You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
