so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
