either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
