I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.