I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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