I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize