i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
