weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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