apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
