just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
so much tequila, so little girl.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
