i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
