i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
