I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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