We're like a lot better than the average bears
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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