Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
