hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
