even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
