she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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