i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
