Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
