he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Randomize
