party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
