Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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