I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
