Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
