I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
