I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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