Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
