My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
