I didn't shave. On purpose
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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