I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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