Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
