please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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