there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
