i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
