I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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