Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
