He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
