I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
