I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
