Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
