she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
