gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
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MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!