her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha