words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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