Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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