I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize