And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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