Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
