and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
